Being a blended family, we always need to remember that it's no longer just us. There are not only your set of rules and boundaries but there is also the rules and boundaries established by your mate. Your children are used to your way of doing things and your mate's children are used to their way if doing things.?
As much as we hope our relationships blend perfectly (and its why we unite to make one blended family) this is not always the case.?
Once you have children and you raise them ( or are in the process of raising them) you need to remember that they are not always going to adjust as easy as adults. If you have a child who is a toddler your family will blend together a little easier. It will blend easier- even with the stipulations and boundaries set by the parent who is no longer in the home- because the toddler is young. Teens and pre-teens will have a slightly more challenging time because of the overwhelming changes going on in their own lives. When you try to blend them with another family small situations can become big ones.?
If you are a step-parent in a blended family you will be expected to communicate with the biological parent who is with you in the home and the parent who is not in the home. There is a need to find common ground and respectable boundaries. Once this has been established, you will find it easier to deal with each other throughout the child's life.?
I think a step-parent should not confront the biological parent that lives outside the home about a problem without giving their partner (the biological parent) a chance to speak with the biological parent first. Sometimes the biological parents will disagree. Allow the two of them to work things out without interfering unless completely necessary or invited by the out of home parent to step in. Doing this shows respect for both biological parents.
When you are thinking about forming a blended family it is very important for you - the biological parent- and your children to have a "talk" or family meeting. You want to do this in order to get everyone prepared for the change that will take effect when you blend your family with another. As the bio-parent you will need to make your children aware of any behavioral expectations that you have. This includes talking to them about respecting their step-parent. (The new step-parent should be doing the same with their children.) Then, the two of you should try to talk to all the children together, carefully outlining behavioral expectations. If you don't talk to the kids together they may test behavioral boundaries that you and the step-parent set- especially teens. Once the ground rules have been laid, it will be important for you to communicate expectations to the biological parent outside of the home. This allows them to also be on the same page. If you fail to talk to the biological parent outside of the home, the first time one of you slip up, the teens will see an opening to manipulate one or both of you. If that happens, it may never get back to the harmony that was once established.?
?
Your spouse should be number one, and the children should understand this philosophy. They may not understand at first so it is always important for you to show them that? they are also number one - but they are in their own category. Make sure that your children know that they also are a priority for you.
In closing, remember that the children will be used to obeying the rules given by you and the bio-parent that lives outside of the home. For this reason it is crucial for respect and boundaries to be set with that parent. If the two of you bring the children into your disagreements, or have disagreements about the children, try to work things out calmly. All members of a blended family are required to worked out situations reasonably. Under no circumstances, is it acceptable for biological parents, step-parents or other siblings to pit the children against one another. Neither is it okay for the children to pit the parents against one another. When you have established the boundaries, and respect the other parties needs, it will be nearly impossible for anyone to manipulate the blended family into turning on one another.
Most importantly; put your house in order prior to combining it with another house.?
Christi Tolbert has a few published poems and is currently working on a novel called "Scorned". Her blended family consists of 2 adults 9 children. (5 girls 4 boys.) Ages 7 to 21. Christi & Mikey are parents and step-parents to Desirae 21,Deonte 19,Jasmine 18,Darrian 17, Rhianna 17, DeAsia 15, Jordan 12, Michal 12, Tre 7?
Please note: Articles written by Featured Readers are based on the writers own experience and are not intended as counseling, medical or professional advice. Featured Readers are not medical or psychological professionals. Individuals should seek professional help from a qualified professional to deal with issues that are taking place in their blended family.
Source: http://www.blendedfamilymoments.com/2013/02/featured-reader-christi-tolbert-respect_27.html
what time does the super bowl start ben gazzara nfl hall of fame 2012 ufc diaz vs condit josephine baker super bowl start time target jason wu
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.